C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
