he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
