This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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