Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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