He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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