Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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