I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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