I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
