so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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