You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
