I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
