i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
