He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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