two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
