If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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