Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
