i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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