But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
