Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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