As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
