Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
