Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
