these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
