Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
