i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
