I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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