my mouth tastes like poor choices
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
