What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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