Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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