you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
