i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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