This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
