Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
