Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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