He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
