Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize