hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
