I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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