ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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