Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
