I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize