Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
