I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
