Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
