What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
