Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
