My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
