I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh god the rape fog is back!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
