You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
