if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
