Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
