I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
