upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
