I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
