i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
