I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
