I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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