I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
