This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
