YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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