i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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