you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
