I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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