she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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