in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
