All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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