Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
