Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
